An Epistle to Mum

Dear Mum,

Greetings from the city of Lakes! I sense a perplexed expression on your generally calm face and a racing heart beat this very moment. Your mind and heart both wondering, why I chose to write this letter and pin it on my blog rather than talking to you directly over Graham’s invention or well… face to face. The reason is quite straight and yet quite fuzzy. Probably when I end this Epistle… you and I… and all those people who shall read this understand - why.

Remember our first tryst twenty –five years ago when I was resting in the dark room filled with warm gooey liquid? I laid there crouched with my eyes closed; experiencing weightlessness; munching pulverised food; smiling to myself in sleep occasionally yawning and kicking the wall. I don’t remember much of how the hibernation went but when I came out with all body parts in right numbers, in right size, fixed in right places, functioning the way they should, I knew I was taken care with utmost love like the male penguin… no matter how harsh the winter was. You had a purpose of putting up with the winter… and I know... it was your abdominal bump.

I remember the early morning routine in KG… the way you brushed my teeth; combed my hair and got me ready for school as I sat in the dining room half sleepy. I remember the yoga sessions on holidays and weekends… I remember the way you plucked the chicken together with Dad and the delicious ice-creams you made; the TV shows that we watched together; the outings to Kaundeniya and Joydeep’s house and the occasional visit to the Didi’s house across the street. I remember going to dance class and complaining of cramps; I remember going to Hindi tuition and learning Bengali instead. Mum… I also remember the high decibel animation and not so happy faces, your burnt fingers and swollen eye… the memories of which still makes me cry.

I remember the way you came to my school before exams to complete my notes… the way you made me write each answer thrice so that I pass my final exams! I remember making you angry when I lied to you, escaped my studies and made your life a little more troublesome… I remember the time when you scolded me… punished me and hit me with whatever you found next…

Mum…. I remember the way you juggled job and house work… working round the clock like a machine in a factory… Just like a doctor who says “You got to stay in bed when you are sick” and yet he himself is in the clinic when sick… you carried on with your chores, tolerated our tantrums… and ignored your honeycomb bones, miniscule but fatal gall bladder calculi, migraine, spondilitic pain and that endless list…. You ignored them ‘coz we and frankly speaking me did not leave you any choice.

Pic source: gouk.about.com

Yesterday when you laughed at me… got angry and kicked me… I felt like a baby giraffe that is kicked and sent flying minutes after it’s born… I then did not understand the mother giraffe. 

Today…I do. 

When you share our family’s stories… and neighborhood talks… I know you want me to understand the people, their attitudes, their motives… so that I grow emotionally strong. When you tell me to learn household chores and also do my job well, I know you want me to be the best at home and at work… so that I can escape the hunter critic’s eyes. When you tell me “look be like her… be like him” … I know you want be to polish myself… so that I can make the best of the single shot at life I have…. Mum… I know you want the best for me… I have heard you pray for me… I have seen you cry with me… I have felt you feel for me…

Mum… No words can do justice to the inner feelings I have for you… but to put it across in the best way… I might appear as selfish… but Mum… When the day comes when Lord decides that he cannot sustain me anymore on this earth… I wish to take my last breaths lying in your lap with your arms wrapped around me just like when I was born.

I Love You Mummy….

-Your emotionally challenged Daughter

PS: I wish I could be your best birthday gift ever..!!